So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
