i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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