worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
