Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
