this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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