At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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