i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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