i wish my penis had a tongue
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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