All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
