Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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