I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
