Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
