Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
