In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Cover your peen. We're going out.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
