apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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