I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Randomize
