i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
