Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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