Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
