On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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