Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Enjoy the penises
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
