He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
