I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
