if only i could text you this smell
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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