You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
