Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
