Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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