Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
