I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
