i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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