ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize