I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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