I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
