I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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