hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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