U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
