so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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