i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
