Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You're like the curious george of whores
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize