i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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