He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
