I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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