I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
