Can Purell be used as lube?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
