she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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