Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
