she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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