Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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