3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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