If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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