and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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