Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
