At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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