Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
A+ Viking dick
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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