It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
