why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize