If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
