White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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