census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i would punch a child for taco bell
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
