that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Girls should come with a carfax report
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
