I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
