Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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