If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
