Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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